What I Write About

So says the Wordle. Now if someone could show me the cool plug in to make that show up on my side bar, and update appropriately, I'd be really happy!

Looking over that word cloud, it appears most of what I write about is pretty up beat and happy. I'm glad to see that cause I sure feel like a whiner recently.

GREAT QUOTE:

Find your center and stay there:
it will allow you to live your life
to its maximum. -Barbara Ann Kipfer

I am balanced.

Positive Post Tuesday

I have decided to recognize the online people who were contributing factors to my letting God back into my life.

I was well on my journey in finding God when I started listening to Third Day at work. My boss listens to them intermixed with the rest of the music on his iPod. I first tuned in and heard the voice, and then started listening to the lyrics. Good music. Good message. I started feeling comfortable hearing His Word.

And then I started finding Christian blogs to read. Exposure therapy works. When I found Brody Harper, I found him to be 'your average run of the mill kinda guy' who had values and talked about things that meant something to the world. Although completely different from me and my background, he was someone I could relate too. He was another example of someone who I felt lived their life living God's Word. He wasn't preachy or pushy or in your (my) face.

I also read Anne Jackson, and Shaun Groves. Like my boss, these people I liked initially in spite of their being Christian, who ultimately I realized I like because they're Christian. And then I eventually found Pete Wilson. Pretty cool.

Would You?

MercyMe have put out a plea to help James Christopher Allums find a bone marrow donor. He has a disease called Fanconi Anemia…which basically means his body doesn't produce enough bone marrow.I've wanted to register for many years, and have asked several times at the blood center, how I get listed on the bone marrow donor list. It's always seemed complicated. I called the Vegas office several times and never got any information mailed to me.

One would think (I would think) that they'd make it EASY for people to be tested and added to the donor list. The test is a simple cheek swab…no needles, just a cheek swab! So I've gone to this website and read more information and have emailed to have the kit sent to me. I really hope that I get the kit.

If you mention in the email that you're being tested in honor of James Christopher Allumns, the test should/could be free (for 2 days they say, instead of $65) but I'd pay the $65 even if it weren't free. Make it easy for me! For as important as this is to me, I can't for the life of me tell anyone why I've not done it yet.
To use MercyMe's text

"To order your free testing kit, go HERE

Remember…it’s free for 2 more days. After that, it’s $65. Don’t let the money stop you from being tested if you don’t get to it in the next 2 days, but don’t miss out on this opportunity to bless and maybe even SAVE a life!!!!

Remember to specify that you are testing in honor of James Christopher Allums."

Per the DKMS website, "You will need to confirm that you understand your commitment and are eligible. And, you will need to provide your mailing address and telephone number."

I've been donating platelets for many years now (8? 9? at least nine ... maybe 10?) If not for James Christopher do it for you.

Life is Life

Oh this is just fun ...


Joseph told me if I ever catch him wearing pants like that, I'm to shoot him.

Paying Attention (again ... or is it still?)

I started this post and saved it as a draft back on Thanksgiving Day - if that's when Nov 27 was. I didn't publish it because I felt I was coming off whiny and negative, and that wasn't how I wanted to come across at all. So I saved it as a draft. But now, after a series of events, (three times a charm again) I am going to post it. I'm leaving all the original text as is and am going to put my new notes in a different color to differentiate them. Not that anyone cares about my thought process, but I need to keep them separate.

The original reason (reason #1 in my paying attention) I was going to post this was based on a reaction I had to my co-worker and friend Sarah's post. She was bummed and down on herself over a party she's trying to put together.

My friend Sarah is graduating from UNR on Saturday, December 6th, then she's got finals the next week. How crazy ridiculous is that, for the university to have graduation before finals? Totally ridiculous I say.

So here's the thing. Sarah is one of the kindest most gentle people I've met in life. I wrote about her for one of my Positive Post Tuesday posts. I didn't go on about all the nice things about her. Sarah doesn't realize how much like any of the rest of us she is. That's cause at age 24 (soon to be 25) she hasn't lived long enough to experience that other people are just as insecure and self conscious as her.

I know what it is to want to be the popular one.
I know what it is to want people to like me.
I know what it is to always feel 'second' best.

I can identify with Sarah, planning and organizing events has always been a very risky business for me. I've always considered myself shy, quiet and reserved. I don't expect people to actually want to come, so I don't plan anything.

Ok, so that's all I had originally said. Somehow I thought I'd said more. Maybe I deleted it.

And then, later on the weekend (this is #2 in the paying attention part of my story) I read a post on "Where's My Damned Answer," the first post I'd ever read on the blog in fact, that really hit home. The post was titled "100 Day Challenge: Family stories". I had (and still have for that matter) no idea what the 100 Day Challenge is even about, but I read Carol's post. And I commented. Here's my comment:

I actually started to blog about this myself over the holiday, but since it sounded so negative, I decided against it.

I grew up under the shadow of my older sister. She was always “the out going one, and the pretty one,” which by default left me to be the shy one and the ‘not pretty’ one.

At age 44, I’ve finally realized I’m pretty darned outgoing myself, and I don’t think a single one of my friends would ever describe me as shy. I’ve always had a hard time believing my husband for thinking I’m beautiful. That one still stands. I’m just me, and that’s good enough.

I read this morning in the book I’m studying 1 Corinthians 15:10 - But by the grace of God I am what I am …

[I'd forgotten about 1 Corinthians I am what I am.... guess that makes reading the blog #3, since the scripture was #2. but who's counting, are you?]

So I posted my comment. Then later in the week (which would have been #3, but since I forgot about the scripture, it makes this #4 ...) I told Sarah about my aborted blog post - telling her face to face how we're all insecure beings at our core. And I told her all the things about her that I've always admired and respected in her. I told her not to worry about those people who she is trying so hard to develop friendship with. I said "The people you are going to be friends with in life, are going to be those people who like you for who you are just the way you are."

Ok, so on to #4, which by now is really #5. Apparently I won the "100 day Challenge" drawing for having posted my comment. I had totally overlooked Carol's reminder Remember to post on this or Monday’s post to be eligible for this drawing next week. And thus, I realized I guess I'd better post my post. And thus, here it is. Long winded and all. [sorry, I really am trying to be less wordy]

How does this all wrap up? And what am I paying attention too? I dunno. How's that for an answer? I just had the same subject come up time and time again. Five times in fact, in the past week. So this is my take away:

But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me. Corinthians 15:10

I had to read it several times before the entire verse made sense to me. and his grace to me was not without effect means I noticed. It isn't in vain. I am aware of the truth that I am what I am, cause that's how I am made to be. I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me doesn't mean that I'm all that for being who I am, I am who I am because God is with me.

At least that's how it adds up to me.

Sanskrit Proverb

This has been posted all over the internet, and I always look it up for reference. The first four lines are my reality. And then it goes into the part about yesterdays, and tomorrows and TODAY well lived. I love this piece

Sanskrit Proverb
Look to this day
For it is life
The very life of life.
In its brief course lie all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power --

For yesterday is but a dream,
And tomorrow is only a vision,
But today, well-lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

Read that again. Let it sink in. Really settle in. What strikes true and real to you?

... today, well-lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

life

This is life, isn't it?

Other people's lives crashing down on yours. And they don't even notice.

Life Journey

I have decided to start a new book, one shared with me a year ago. A year ago I wasn't ready to start this journey but I am now. A Purpose Driven Life is a 40 day journey of discovering what God has in store for me. I saw the book at Borders on Friday, and I thought it was time to pick it up again.

Last year I got through the first few chapters, and didn't follow it as suggested in the introduction. But as I said, I wasn't ready for it yet. Then this morning, after church, I felt I should get going. So I picked it up to begin at the beginning, rather than pick up where I'd left off.

I got as far as the introduction when it was explaining the layout and format of the book, and how at the end of each chapter there are points to ponder, questions to consider, and discussion topics. (or something like that, I'm writing this from recall, without the book in front of me). In this intro, it suggested reading the book and working through it with a partner. I called my sister, Dawn, and asked her if she'd go through it with me, which meant she'd have to find the Borders and buy a copy for herself.

If I start today, 40 days from now is December 25. I thought of Sarah and Kelley too, if they'd want to join me, but I chickened out on asking them. (so if you (they) read this and want to join, let me know, cause now you know I chickened out in asking.)

Dawn bought a copy and we're going to start reading today, and have discussion on the weekends. :-) I am excited about this new journey. So here's to the journey (should find/create an image), maybe I'll post little snippets and ah ha's ... or maybe I'll keep it between God, Dawn and myself. We shall see....

Friday's Favorite

I had an epiphany today ... Every Friday I'm going to post one of my favorite quotes, poems or something that is a favorite something of mine.

I'm starting off with one of my favorite life philosophies:

Sanskrit Proverb
Look to this day;
For it is life,
The very life of life.
In its brief course lies all
The realities and verities of existence,
The bliss of growth,
The splendor of action,
The glory of power -
For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision.
But today, well lived,
Makes every yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well, therefore, to this day.

That's how I want to live my life, so that
every yesterday is a dream of happiness
and every tomorrow is a vision of HOPE.

Haiku 1

This is one of my very favorite that Mark wrote:

small flower bright
high meadow, beauty all round
brings me thoughts of you

I love you too Mark.

Quotes For Today

I got some really awesome quotes in my email today:

"You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." -- Henry David Thoreau

"Your profession is not what brings home your paycheck. Your profession is what you were put on earth to do with such passion and such intensity that it becomes spiritual in calling." -- Vincent Van Gogh

"There is no end. There is no beginning. There is only the infinite passion of life."
-- Federico Fellini

"Before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself. Before you can move their tears, your own must flow. To convince them, you must yourself believe." -- Winston Churchill

I think I'm going to start posting my favorite quotes that I've collected over the years. And some haiku that Mark wrote for me many years ago.

These ones are great though, don't you agree?

My Saturday ... and random thoughts

This morning I was talking with Joseph about the difference in today, as compared to last Saturday. Today is overcast, very gray and gloomy looking. Last Saturday was clear blue skies with warm temperatures. And yet I'm grateful for this day.

I just listened to a sermon given by one of my favorite bloggers, Pete Wilson, Pastor at Cross Point Church about the emotional baggage we all carry with us. I am looking forward to continuing the series. If you've been following my journey, you're in tune with my searching for a Christian community.

I've been attending Crosswinds church here locally, and listening to Pastor Pete (different Pastor Pete than from Cross Point) for a couple of months. I've enjoyed his sermons because they are very 'real' and he is very real and personable.

Now I've listened to the "other" Pastor Pete and I really enjoyed his sermon as well. Very different than Reno's Pastor Pete but the message is still very relevant.

Now I'm contemplating trying a different local church, to see how I like that one. When I was in Ohio in September I visited a church there, and can't say I cared a great deal for the sermon. Personal preference I suppose ... I can't get enough of either Pastor Pete - I can always continue to listen to the Cross Point Pastor Pete online.

But I need real people, in real flesh to worship with. Monday there is a "Women of Excellence" group that I'd like to meet with, and they're out here in my neighborhood.

I need people. Friends. There's something in the baggage I carry that makes it very important for me to have people. Because friendships are so important to me, I have a hard time letting them go. It's rough when I recognize that they aren't what I thought they were, or can't be what they once were. I've had one like that recently, and am struggling with it. So this series, by Pastor Pete of Cross Point, will be good for me.

Why?

can't figure it out

Positive Post Tuesday

Friendship

On Sunday Pastor Pete spoke of "Friendship brings value to Life" (sermon video) and I've been thinking about it a lot. In my post the other day I mentioned how after Church I'd gone and met my friend Joseph and we palled around together for the afternoon.

Joseph is a friend I met at a job we both had 5 years ago and as each year passes our friendship is strengthened. I value Joseph.

Weekend Brief ...

Yay! What a great weekend this has been. Yesterday I got to go rock climbing outside on real rock with my good friend Hans and Sheila!

Sheila and I have only been out three times this entire year. We took a weekend road trip to Owens River Gorge back in May (with Danny, Dave and David), then took a day trip to Indian Springs and then another weekend trip to Clark Canyon at the end of June.

The Clark Canyon trip was with our friend Joseph (who doesn't climb anymore because his knee hates life) but he goes for the fun of our company. My Alison and her friend Geoff joined us on that trip and we had a great time. But we haven't been out since then if you can believe that. (if you know me and my climbing, you'd know what a tragedy this is for me).

I've been so busy this summer going here there and everywhere other than climbing and have been looking forward to another trip to the Gorge with Sheila (and Joseph this time, Danny and Dave can't make it). Then climbing with Romy got me very excited about climbing again and I couldn't stand waiting for that next trip. So when on Thursday at the gym Hans suggested we go climb I leapt at the chance, and Sheila came too. YAY!

Climbing yesterday was with Hans, a friend that I haven't climbed with in over a year. It was really nice to catch up with him. After climbing, Hans had Mark and I over for dinner.

And then there has been today ... (in bullets?)

• Romy sent a link to pictures from our Tuolumne trip.
  
• Attended the 11am service of church and really enjoyed the sermon. After the service I went back to the "newcomers welcome" and met the associate pastor who runs a "Women of Excellence" bible study group out in my neighborhood. I am quite excited to start building my own community in faith.
  
• Then I went and met my friend Joseph. When he opened his door I announced "I need food, want to go with me?" So off we went for some delicious authentic mexican tacos at Beto's
• Off to Sierra Trading Post to buy something light yet warm for climbing in ...
  
• Off to REI to get a flashing red light for the back of my bike so I can ride to work without getting run off the road (at least they'll see me before they hit me right?)
  
• And now home to do some final organizing for NEXT WEEKEND where Joseph, Sheila and I will be heading back to the Gorge. YAY.
  

Life Carries On

Title to the song is I Grieve but Life Carries On should be a sub-title.

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
There's nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
Is just the way that you were tied in
But there's no one home
I grieve...
for you
You leave...
Me
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
They say life carries on...
Carries on and on and on...
And on
The news that truly shocks
is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
Its empty, empty cage...
And I can't handle this
I grieve...
For you
You leave...
Me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on...
They say life carries on and on...
And on
Life carries on in the people I meet
In every one that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...
Life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...
Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
And life carries on and on and on...
And on
Life carries on and on and on...
Did I dream this belief
Or did I believe this dream
Now I can find relief
I grieve...

Commenting On Fear

Brody Harper posted What's Your Fear and asked "So what’s yours? What’s one of your worst fears?" and my comment reply ended up far too long for a comment so I cut/paste it here and made it a post.

I've was widowed at age 35, and if I let the fear run away with me, I can break down in sobs worrying that it will happen again. I don't want to live through that grief again. But I pretty much know I will have too. On that note I would rather go first, and yet to go first means leaving Mark, and I honestly don't know how he would cope.

I had my kids to get me through the first time. My mantra was if I don't take care of myself, who will take care of my kids? My Alison was 8.5 years, and Josh was almost 13. That first year was most definitely the hardest year of my life. But, by the Grace of God, we made it

Even though I was not Christian at the time, I was very much aware that I was carried through that year by the Grace of God. God carried me. I think of that poem "Footprints In The Sand," and I know God carried me because so many people who loved me prayed on my behalf.


And knowing that, I'd rather Mark go first. I have God to carry me, Mark would be alone :-( and I really don't know how he would cope. He would have people who love him praying for him, and God would carry him, but I fear he wouldn't recognize or acknowledge that. He'd reject it. And he'd die. And we wouldn't be together.

I don't worry so much about my kids - well, that's only a partial truth. But they're adults (almost, Alison is 17) now. Kids are supposed to lose their parents first. Wow, losing my kids is another fear ... Boy. Let's stop this before I get further carried away!

Abundance Of Thanks

Today we are going to my Canadian girlfriends home for Thanksgiving. My initial question is still unanswered (because I'm an egotistical ignorant American?) about what do the Canadians give thanks?
But, I've decided that it really doesn't matter. I am taking this day, as all days should be, to give Thanks for all of the ABUNDANCE we have in our lives.

• I have Mark for my husband, who as my Alison reminded me recently loves me like no one else


• I have two beautiful children, Josh and Alison, both in their appearance and character


• I have both of my parents alive today


• I have Lois, my mother-in-law from my first marriage


• I have my in-laws, Ian and Brucie, from this marriage too, for which I am truly grateful.


• I have three beautiful daughters, Amber, Natalya and Alyssa, through Mark


• Albeit cluttered, dusty and not terribly clean, I have a warm house to shelter me from the coming cold weather


• I work for an incredible boss


• I have enough money to pay all my bills, and stash some away for vacations


• I have the cool car in the family

And the biggest, saved for last because it's greatest:

• I have GOD

There is so much more I could add, but this is my foundation.

I am making some vegan delightful Thanksgiving foods for Alison, because Sheila will have an over abundance of food for the rest of us.

Paying Attention (still)

Holy Cow. My morning devotional talked about the bible being the "Living Word" because certain scriptures come to life and take root within in you. You can hear what nobody else hears ... This morning, like most mornings I prayed and asked God to open my eyes to his Word in my day. But Holy Cow - I got smacked upside the head with this today.

In reading my blogs I've come across two that really were jaw dropping. After reading the first, I marked it to save, so I could come back later and think more on it. And then I came across the second one and just had to write about it now. What I read meant something to me that would mean nothing to someone else.
The first was My Utmost for His Highest ... The place for humiliation.. In this post the bit that jumped out at me was about being up on the mountain top.

"We see His glory on the mountain, but we never live for His glory there."

I had thought about this on my drive to work (read the blog at work, sorry Stoney)how when I was hiking in the mountains, how close to God I felt, and how I want that on a daily basis. The post went on

Look back at your own experience and you will find that until you learned who Jesus really was, you were a skillful skeptic about His power. When you were on the mountaintop you could believe anything, but what about when you were faced with the facts of the valley?

You were a skilled skeptic about His power. Yes I was, and now I am in the valley of humiliation.

Then I went and read Been Thinking About ... Are they afraid of us? and was again smacked in the head.This particular post hits home regarding Revelations ... precisely where I am on my journey. Revelations is what pushed me away from God so many years ago.

Is it possible that they just hear frightening noise if they don’t also see credible indications of the love of God? Can we fault them for assuming the worst? Can we blame them for thinking that the noise is part of a scare-tactic to get their name, their money, or even their lives?

Ah, thank you God for opening my eyes, allowing me to see.

Threes

Have you ever heard that things come in three's? What is it about that? Is there a saying that good things come in threes? I think I said something earlier today to a friend about having to be SMACKED upside the head a few times before I "get" some things.

I've heard this scripture quote three times recently, and I'm supposed to pay attention:

First time I heard it, or read it actually, was several months ago. Someone sent the passage to me it to me in a text message and I looked it up myself. This was before I'd accepted the gift, and still, I found it to be very comforting. That was months ago.

Almost two weeks ago, while driving to my internet free vacation I was listening to a sermon from my friends church (the Discovering your Diving Destiny one) and Pastor Pete mentioned this passage as one of his favorites. Volume on my iPod was too low for this sermon so I had a hard time hearing, and Pastor Pete read/spoke through it very quickly. I ran the iPod back to listen again, because I'd thought I'd heard something familiar. Then I paused and opened my bible to find the passage. Yes, it was what I'd read before.

Then today at work I was talking about it, telling how I'd listened to the sermon and that I'd recognized the passage from a few months ago when it had been shared with me.

The third instance of coming across the passage was after I came home from work (after having worked only 7 hours, as demanded by my boss). I was reading through some of Brody Harper's Positive Post Tuesday links. I came across this scripture again on Dale and Linny's blog.

Third time's a charm. Jeremiah 29:11, I'm paying attention now.